


Desperate

by NyxDeLaNuit



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24882379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxDeLaNuit/pseuds/NyxDeLaNuit
Summary: The number one rule of Friends With Benefits: Don't catch feelings.So why did he say those three words and fuck everything up?Crossposted from my tumblr
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 195





	1. Chapter 1

It started like it normally did, a few games at Kenma’s place to unwind from work. Yet as time passed, you were less interested in playing support to Kenma’s tank and more interested in the heat he was putting off at your side. Luckily all the long nights sitting next to Kenma and being suckered into playing had leant you some talent, and soon half of the enemy team had rage quit, upset at being sniped by the healer flying by on their way to heal up the tank they had been focused on.

Kenma accepted you into his arms easily, used to your in-game tantrums when you were feeling needy. You sunk into his side, accepting the wandering hands that came with pulling Kenma from his games. He was much too used to occupying his hands that he had a hard time keeping them still in the silence, tracing over your sides, through your hair, down your back. You finally give in, straddling his hips, so his hands fall motionless on your waist.

The first kiss is always subdued, a gentle questioning acceptance between the two of you. You would pull back and enjoy the fire in his gaze before you fell in headfirst to his lust. This time, you paused, something deeper, softer, lingering in your gaze. It sent a dreadful weight dropping into your stomach, but you pushed it down. A trick of the light. Kenma knew just as well as you what this was, what this had to stay as.

You returned to his lips, nicking the plush of his bottom lip with your teeth before allowing Kenma to consume you. He had been so touch-starved his whole life; once he got a taste of you, he couldn’t allow himself to savor the moment. All he could do was devour, and that’s all you wanted.

Clothes littered his floor, and you were happily perched above Kenma on top of his bed. He took a certain pleasure in pushing you to the brink of pain, counting the number of times you tense above him, coating him in your release. His calloused fingers push you to the edge, again and again, playing your body as easily as any game in his collection. Your body finally gives out, falling against his chest as he thrusts into you from below, the lewd sounds of your messy cunt welcoming his length back into your heat, working you up once again.

His pace quickens, deft hands finally grasped tightly to your hips as he drags his cock against your walls in deliberately rough passes. You clench against him, feeling the twitch as he finally chases his release.

Then he whispers three words into your ear, breathless and achingly sincere.

You’ve never left his bed so quickly, your legs struggling to stay under you. You couldn’t stay, not after that. Things were defined between the two of you, rules set in place, and yet he spoke so sweetly into your ear, the words you both had promised not to say. You feel betrayed, an ache in your chest. Things couldn’t stay the same, and yet you wished so much that they could.

The next six months are spent in different beds, your touch for the games he prefers lost in favor of the touch of strangers, and yet you feel so empty. Unsatisfied. Each encounter was a race to pleasure, and he had spoiled you so. You had grown complacent under his touch, and now each new body underneath you couldn’t compare. It would bring you to tears if you weren’t so set against crying in a drunk stranger’s bed.

Two days after your latest failure, and here you were again, standing at his door with bags full of snacks as an offering. You were determined to not show your weakness now, not after ignoring his calls for months, for bailing on every outing Kuroo tried to guilt you into attending. So you knocked, loud and quick, before straightening yourself out.

He opened the door with a sleepy glare, his hair untamed, the blonde barely staining the ends. It took him a moment to take you in, eyes widening in a way you would only notice if you had known him the way you do. He took the bags from you, his hands moving in an unnervingly steady way, dragging the pads of his fingers against your wrist.

He turned from you, allowing you a moment to breathe and close the door behind you. The bags were abandoned as he stood, unmoving. Words left you, it didn’t feel right to be so unsure in a place you had once found comfort in, but you still stepped closer. Any uneasiness was washed away by how needy, how desperate you had become for his touch.

Your touch on his shoulder was all the encouragement he needed, turning to capture you in his arms. His lips were on yours, ferocious and wanting, not giving you a moment to catch your breath. He pulled the breath from your lungs, clawing at your clothes. His hands only left your body to rip the shirt over your head, peeling his off in the next breath. Lips clashed against your neck, suckling dark spots onto the sensitive skin. Being away from him for so long must have riled him up, he never left marks before. His hands were insistent at your waist, his frustration making it hard for him to undo the button.

Your panties were pulled down with your pants, leaving you bare from the waist down. He didn’t fuss with your bra or his pants in favor of pushing you towards the bed. Your knees hit the frame and buckled, and Kenma followed your descent. His hands traced your sides, running up your stomach to circle your nipples through the sheer fabric of your bra. He stared, entranced as they pebbled under his touch. His mouth wrapped around one as a hand trailed down to your hips, softly rubbing circles in the way he knew would make you buck against his touch. He relinquished quickly, dipping a finger into the slick collecting on your slit.

Your hands threaded through his hair, giving it a rough tug. He responded in kind, sinking his teeth into your breast, marking you once again. You keened against the new pleasure, feeling the vibration of his moans run through your chest as he pressed a single finger into you. He was demanding, but you could tell this time was different. He was going to take his time, making you come undone underneath him.

His finger pistoned in and out of you, barely brushing against the spots he knew would make you keen, cry out for him like a lover would. The lace of your bra was stuck to you, dampened by the laving of his tongue and rubbing roughly against your sensitive nipples. You were quick to maneuver your arms behind you, unhooking the offending fabric and throwing it to the void that existed outside of Kenma and his bed.

He must have been pleased with your cooperation, plunging a second finger in to join the first. He teased you so sweetly, tracing around the spots he knew by heart, watching you desperately buck into his hand. The sight finally got the best of him, and he ducked his head, harshly sucking your clit between his lips. His name fell from your lips, like a prayer, a hymn, you would worship him forever if he only stayed like this.

But he didn’t, he snaked his way back up to you, making you taste yourself on his lips. His pants were lost to the room, and his dick hung between you, swollen and leaking. You wanted nothing more than to impale yourself on it, but he had you in his grasp.

Those three little words, spoken like blackmail in your ear. He wasn’t dumb, he knew why you returned, the only question was if you’d give in. Would you fall, trusting him to catch you, like he always had?

And you weren’t dumb either. You could find someone else to dick you down, you could buy a toy if all of this was just another way to chase a release, but you were here, and you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore.

So you parroted those three words back, crying out as he finally sunk his cock into your heat. It fit so perfectly, you chided yourself for trying to find even an imitation of what Kenma brought out of you. Everything was new, the way he folded your legs to your chest, the way he didn’t bring you to your end time and time again. This was more, a constant building, a crescendo that he wanted you to reach. Together. His fingers played you just right, a sickening sort of art to the way his touches brought you further into the flames.

You could feel it throughout your body, the crashing wave that threatened to pull you under with it. Before it collapsed, Kenma flipped you, placing you on top of him. Relinquishing himself to your hold, but not giving up the way he rutted into you, dragging his dick against the sweetest spots. He braced your thighs as he bounced you, helping you grind against the downy hair at the base of his cock with every plunge.

You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t blink. All you could do was surrender to Kenma. Tears poured down your face, decimating the carefully placed mask of indifference you tried to wear. You pleaded, threatened even, but Kenma wouldn’t push you over the edge. You were so close, you could almost taste the copper in your mouth with how hard you tried to hold in the words.

But you gave in, like you always did for him, sputtering out those three words in blissful sighs. And the wave crashed, and you fell with it, clenching and crying and euphoric. And like always, Kenma was there to catch you, stroking you through your release and finding his own. He marked you, inside and out, the delicate bloom of his teeth against your neck, sending aftershocks of pleasure trembling through you.

It was quiet for a moment, as you came down. Vision and mind cleared, you couldn’t help but glance at Kenma, a sly smile breaking over his face. Before you could say a word, tell him this didn’t change a thing, he simply pulled you back to his chest, drawing calming circles on your lower back.

“I’ll win you soon. After all, you’re my favorite game to play.”


	2. Chapter 2

You awoke slowly, unconsciously burrowing into the hold of the arms surrounding you. Your stomach flipped, realizing that the best sleep you had gotten in years was within your best friend’s grip. Could you even call him that, after ignoring him for so long just to jump into his bed? You removed yourself as gently as you could, trying to avoid waking Kenma as you searched the room for your clothes. A shower could wait until you were home, your clothes were already a mess anyways. 

You thought you had gotten away, but as you moved to his door, the whisper of the sheets stopped you.

“How long will you be gone this time?” Kenma had sat up in his bed, examining the sheets and blankets in favor of your face.

“Kenma, I-”

“I get it, I took it too far last night. Sorry about that.” He finally looked up at you, a smile on his face, but the tears dripping down his face like rain gave you pause. “Just forget about what I said and come back soon, okay?” His voice was soft, trying to keep the tremor out.

You could feel the emotion bubbling in your throat as he spoke. What could you be so scared of when Kenma had put his feelings on the table twice, pushing them down every time you weren’t accepting. Here he was, letting you know exactly how he felt about you, and taking whatever you could give him, and you couldn’t even give him your honesty.

You must have been lost in your thoughts, because before you could process it, Kenma was standing in front of you, dressed from the waist down. He didn’t bother wiping the tears dripping from his chin, instead focusing on the ones falling from your lashes.

“Please don’t cry. Making you cry is the last thing I want to do.” His hands, shaking, wrapped around you. It was softer than before, giving you a means to escape if you wanted. You had considered it for a moment, but you felt your will sap away from you. You collapsed into his hold, not daring to wrap your arms around him. His hands cupped you to his chest and ran soothing circles on the nape of your neck.

“We can’t go back, not anymore.” You fought through sobs to get those words out.

“I’m sorry, please, don’t leave again.” His words were whispers against your neck.

“I don’t think I can.” You choke on these words, the truth bitter on your tongue. Kenma pulled back to stare at you, the tears pausing their cascade. You resisted the urge to wipe them from his face, your fear still holding you back. “I love you.” The words fell from your lips like a death sentence, somber and painful.

Kenma started crying again, the smile on his face sweeter than before. His hands slowly moved to your face, slow enough to stop him if you wanted. He approached even slower, barely grazing your lips in a ghost of a kiss, unlike any you’ve shared before. No lust barely hidden under the surface, no rush. You didn’t reciprocate, but you let him, until he’s laid the lightest of kisses all across your face.

He pulled you to follow him, and you trailed behind him without complaint. He sat you on the edge of his bathtub, fussing with the faucet until the water started to fog over the mirror. His hands didn’t stray from you for long, moving with slow grace to divest you of your wrinkled clothes. You had been bare in front of him many times before, but not like this. You felt vulnerable, like he could see right through you.

Kenma got in first, sitting against the back of the tub. His arm was held out to help you step in, and you sunk into the water willingly, hoping it’d hide some deep part of you that you weren’t ready to see. Or maybe at least protect it from Kenma’s gaze, who always seemed to see more than you.

His hands ran warm circles across your back, urging you to relax. His touch feather-light as he tilted your head back, water cascading gently through your hair. He washed you with all the devotion of a worshipper at their altar, gentle and pious. You couldn’t stop the tears at his touch, unused to touch without the flames of lust nipping at your heels. Even pressed against you like he is, he isn’t even slightly rubbing against you. Wholly focused on helping you relax, to make you feel better without any reward for his action.

He doesn’t even ask you to wash his hair or scrub his back after he’s finished with you, he simply lets you enjoy the way the water soothes your aching muscles as he quickly washes himself. Kenma doesn’t let you get out first, ignoring the puddles he made as he pulls towels from their places. He braces you with an arm as you step out, quickly covering your cooling skin with the fluffiest towel he owned.

“Stay here.” He whispers against your forehead, laying a chaste kiss to the center. You watch as he leaves, a towel draped around his waist. You took the time to towel off your hair, enjoying the sweet apple scent of Kenma’s shampoo. Kenma comes back, dressed in baggy shorts and holding a bundle out towards you.

It was a robe, simple and fluffy. You allowed Kenma to slip it over your shoulders, enjoying the soft fabric against your skin. “I got it… in case you came back.” He turned his face from you, bashful… hopeful…

He lead you by the hand back to his bed. New sheets, smelling of lavender and sunshine, were placed upon the bed. Kenma laid in the sheets, arms sprawled to his side as he waited for you to make a move. You would come to him willingly or not at all. He was ready either way. Still, you bend for Kenma in ways you never dreamed of for anyone else. You cautiously place yourself in his arms, letting him pull you closer. Kenma seemed content to drift off like this, but it was still too unnerving for you.

You pulled yourself up to meet his eyes. For the first time that morning, you kissed him. “Kenma, please. I need you.” His eagerness shone in his eyes as he slipped his arms from you, moving to tower over you. A breath escaped you, relief that whatever this was would be moving in a direction you were familiar with.

But Kenma kisses you, soft and sweet. None of the demanding insistence of last night to be found, just unfiltered, unbridled adoration dripped from his lips. Every mark he had laid on your skin was drowned in his affections. It was too much and not enough. You wanted, needed more of his passion and less of his love, for your heart’s sake, but your desperate tugging at his faded locks did little to change his mind. The tug at your waist and the feeling of the air on your chest pulled a shiver from you that only worsened as you watched Kenma pull back. He looked at you then, really looked like he had never allowed himself to before. He drank you in with his eyes and his hands, reverent touches littering your body. His lips followed soon after, a saccharine trail flowing down your body. Every touch, every kiss, every lick driving you mad. It was unlike anything you had ever experienced, each touch not to drive you to the brink of pleasure but to convey every emotion he couldn’t put into words.

He reached the apex of your thighs, a contented sigh laid at your skin. Kenma licked at your seam, slow and savory. You tangled your fingers into his roots, urging, pleading him to do more, go harder, but he just lets you take out your frustrations on him. He parts your lips with careful fingers, dragging a single one through your slick before his tongue followed. He drags your pleasure out slowly, so slowly. Each caress just on the cusp of pleasurable, not the toe-curling roughness you were accustomed to. His fingers don’t breach your heat until they easily slide in, no sting from the stretch. Kenma prepares you like you were porcelain, precious, and fragile, even though you want him to break you.

He finally relented, removing himself from you entirely to slip up your body. He kissed you like you were the only air he could breathe, all-encompassing to the point where your head spun. Ever so gently, he pushed his length into you, laving your neck with messy kisses. All you could do was writhe against him, feeling every inch as he sunk into you. Kenma paused the base of his length finally met the swell of your sex and breathed in your gasps as he let you adjust. Kenma’s pace was slow, dragging against every inch of you before plunging back in. He kissed the crystalline drops as they fell from your lashes, muttering his love against your skin with each thrust.

Your hands tangled in his hair and dug into his back, grounding yourself in any way you could. Kenma let out a breath, content that you were finally holding on to him in any way, and his hands snaked underneath your writhing form to hold onto your shoulder and hip. With his hold on you, he was able to plunge even deeper, holding you chest-to-chest.

“I love you, I love you so much, please don’t leave me again.” He panted into your skin between kisses, repeating his mantra as the coil in your stomach wound tighter and tighter, agonizingly slow. Kenma didn’t speed up, didn’t move his hand to the bundle of nerves sure to push you over the edge. He simply let you feel him, feel the love he was pouring into you with each movement.

“I’ll tell you over and over again if it keeps you here. I’ll show you as many times as it takes for you to believe.” His devout kisses fell to the hollow of your throat, groaning as he tried to hold himself back. Something about that moment, as you watched Kenma pull his lip between his teeth as he gazed into your eyes, holding back everything for you, broke you. You pulled his head to yours, relinquishing the feelings you held back to spill from your mouth into his. You keened into his kiss as the crest of your pleasure broke from within you, drenching Kenma’s length. Kenma kept pace, working you through your peak softly, to enjoy it without any bite. Even then, he didn’t chase his pleasure.

Your fear dissipated once you looked at him, really looked. All he wanted was to give his all to you, but only if you wanted it. His eyes spoke volumes, not once straying from your face. Just like they had all this time, as you went searching for love in stranger’s bed, he only looked at you. There was nothing left for you to fear.

You tangled your fingers in Kenma’s hair, gentle this time. You ran your fingers along his scalp, softly pulling him in.

“I love you, Kenma.” No bargains this time, no desperate pleading. With those words lingering in his ear, he finally gave in. You could feel everything as he twitched within you, falling apart under your caress. A lightness you hadn’t expected appeared in your chest and only intensified as Kenma rushed to clean you up.

You found yourself tucked into Kenma’s hold again, letting the warmth consume you this time. He was still whispering his thanks into your hair as his thumbs rubbed calming circles to any skin he could reach. Sleep fell heavily on the two of you, emotional exhaustion taking its toll. This time, you wouldn’t mind waking up tangled with him.

“Kenma, get up, you’re late… You can’t keep moping in here forever.” Kuroo let himself in with a sigh, stopping as his eyes reached the bed. Kenma’s eyes cracked open just enough to recognize Kuroo, and he quickly shifted his arms to hide you from Kuroo’s sight. Kenma glared over your shoulder, trying to keep you deep in your sleep.

Kuroo put his hands up in surrender, turning to leave the room. “It’s about time, you lovesick fools.” He chuckled, shutting the door behind him.


End file.
